mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
