you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
