I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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