Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The Olympian is in my bed