i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!