Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.