Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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