where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
