I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
