so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
