i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
