Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
