dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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