you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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