i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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