a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
