My nipple is on Facebook.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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