Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
