What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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