I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
