he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
