I'm jealous of your bromance
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
