It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
