i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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