I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
