OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
