You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
