Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
