Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize