I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
