Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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