I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
