my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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