your thong is hanging out like whoa
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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