I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
