How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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