bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
