So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
