Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
