oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
