Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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