It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
