I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've blown a few things in my day
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
