You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
