Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
