We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
