So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
