my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
