Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
