next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
