It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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