she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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