I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
