I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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