last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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