I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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