There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
