6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
