I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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