dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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