Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Send help, water and tortillas.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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