Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
