You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
