Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
