She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
