im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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