I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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