Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
