meet me or not, i'm out of control
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
