I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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