Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
